


Broken

by Cielestine_de_Winter



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M, Poor Merlin, Uther Finds Out About Merlin's Magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-29 14:59:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3900541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cielestine_de_Winter/pseuds/Cielestine_de_Winter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Arthur wakes up after being enchanted by yet another random magic user, he finds things are not how he remembers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken

                Arthur lay with his eyes closed for a moment. He felt wonderfully awake and he hoped to surprise Merlin when his friend came to wake him. Even without opening his eyes, he could hear Merlin’s soft breaths. Arthur fought his smile. He didn’t want to tip Merlin off.

                After several minutes of waking, Arthur grew bored and opened his eyes. Instead of Merlin, his father was sitting in the chair next to his bed. When Arthur moved Uther sat up. “Arthur,” Uther breathed, his eyes feverishly looking over his son, assessing his health.

                “Good morning, Father,” Arthur said sitting up.

                “Easy,” Uther said putting a hand on his shoulder and slowing his movements. His hands traced Arthur’s linen covered shoulders. “Get Gaius,” he said to one of the guards who was standing _inside Arthur’s rooms_. Arthur flashed a puzzled look.

                “Father, why are you here?” Arthur asked, stretching a little. He felt good. Much better than he would have if he drank over much at the feast. Arthur thought back. He only remembered one drink and he trusted Merlin to keep him from getting too inebriated.

                “You are safe, Arthur,” Uther said almost tenderly. “No one blames you,” Uther said urgently. “It wasn’t your fault, you weren’t yourself.”

                “What are you talking about?” Arthur said frowning. He couldn’t think of a thing he could have done to make his father speak to him as such. Arthur turned and really looked at his father. He looked terrible. There were dark shadows under his eyes and a faint tremor in his hands. “Father, are _you_ well?”

                Uther stared at Arthur for a long moment before crushing Arthur to his chest. “It’s you. It’s really you.”

                Baffled, Arthur slowly brought his hands up to hug his father. By nature, they were not a family that showed their feelings. Arthur felt a flickering of unease. “Father, what happened?” he asked cautiously.

                Uther cleared his throat and let Arthur go. “Nothing that can’t be fixed,” Uther said gruffly. The door to Arthur’s chambers opened and Gaius walked in.

                Gaius face was carefully neural, his posture stiff. Arthur watched as Gaius walked over and started examining, all without making eye contact. “How do you feel, sire?” he said in a painfully neutral voice that Arthur recognized. It was the voice Gaius used when he was angry.

                “Well,” Arthur said carefully. “I feel well, Gaius.”

                “Excellent, sire,” Gaius moved to leave, but Arthur reached out and touched his sleeve. Gaius stopped moving immediately, and his eyes shot up, furiously angry.

                “Is that it? What happened? What is going on?” Arthur looked at his father and Gaius, suddenly aware of the unspoken argument occurring between the two old friends.

                “You were unwell for a few weeks,” Uther said looking at Gaius.

                Gaius just stared back.

                “Weeks?” Arthur exclaimed. He looked around his room. It was a little more disorganized than normal, but there was nothing that indicated the he was sick for weeks. “Where’s Merlin?”

                His words caused a physical reaction from both his father and Gaius. Uther paled slightly and looked ill. Gaius’s eyes burned with rage.

                “Merlin is also ill,” Uther said quickly. “What is the last thing you remember?”

                Arthur had to tear his eyes away from Gaius’s unspoken rage. “The feast. Lady Caroline handed me a goblet…”

                “You remember nothing more?” Gaius snapped.

                Arthur met his eyes. “No, nothing more,” he frowned. “What happened?”

                Uther and Gaius shared a long look, then Gaius’s shoulder slumped and Uther sighed. “Don’t worry about it now,” Uther said carefully. “Can you see to your morning ablutions? I will meet you for breakfast.” He said standing up. He smiled gently at his son. “It will be okay,” he said.

                Arthur by now was feeling very sick. “Yes, father,” he answered. He watched as his father and Gaius started walking toward the door. “Please tell Merlin I’ll come see him later this morning,” Arthur called.

                Gaius and his father stiffened, tension suddenly crackling through the air again. “That is not advisable,” Gaius said without turning around. “He needs his rest.” Then he swept out the room.

                Uther glanced back at Arthur. “It will be okay,” he repeated with the slightest bit of hope in his voice. Then he turned and followed Gaius through the door. The two guards also swept through the door. Arthur recognized them as good men that he had been relatively friendly with. They didn’t even glance in his direction.

 

 

                Arthur was very quickly losing his patience. Something was very, very wrong. Arthur walked through the usually bustling corridors of the castle only to find them completely empty. When he arrived at the dining hall, the two guards, Roderick and Tatum, didn’t not even acknowledge his greeting.

                The dining hall was completely empty except for Uther. There was not even a place setting for Morgana. Arthur sat down and surveyed his father again. Uther looked even worse than he had the hour before. “Father, I would rather we dispense with the façade. What happened?” Arthur said finally.

                Uther looked at him then looked down at his plate. “You were bewitched,” Uther said flatly.

                “Bewitched,” Arthur echoed.

                “A spell that…” Uther took a sip of his water. “Made you act in opposite of your feelings. It turned you into something… not good.”

                “What did I do?” Arthur asked filled with dread.

                “You were cold to Morgana, indifferent to your knights…” Uther paused. “You mistreated the servants.” Uther glanced at him. “Good rulers depend on good will rather than might. It is better to be loved than feared,” Uther said haltingly.

                Arthur, surprised at his father’s words, said nothing.

                “You must shine in the coming days,” his father continued. “Brighter than before. Bright enough to burn away the dark clouds of these past weeks.”

                Arthur nodded.

                There was a pause in conversation. Uther motioned Arthur to eat. Arthur put some food in his mouth, tasting only ashes. “What happened to the witch?” he asked.

                “Lady Caroline and her father escaped,” Uther said in a hard voice. He glanced at Arthur. “We are defenseless against magic. You became something…” Uther paused. “I have asked Gaius to start researching magic again.”

                “What?” Arthur said jolting forward.

                “I can not have you defenseless against this threat.” Uther looked at Arthur as though expecting Arthur to challenge him. “I have given Gaius special dispensation to use magic, but only in the defense of you and of Camelot.”

                “Father…”

                “You were pushed right up to someplace where you would have never been able to return,” Uther said urgently. “If you would have committed this act…” Uther seemed to have lost his breath. He looked furiously away. “You are my son and heir. I will protect you as long as I am able.”

                The rest of the meal was silent.

 

                A week later Arthur was going out of his mind. Everyone in the castle was either furious at him or afraid of him, with a few people actively hating him. Arthur had never experienced such a forbidding wall around him. No one talked to him. No one.

                He tried to keep up the pretence that everything was normal, but he quickly learned that no one was going to let him. First off no servant went anywhere near him. No one entered his chamber while he was there, no one was ever in the corridors when he walked them. When he stopped into the kitchen, he was met with complete silence before he backed away slowly.

                Arthur’s knights were obviously terrified of him. From the most grizzled veteran to the most green recruit, they all flinched when he spared with them. Arthur couldn’t even being to imagine how that happened. Even the one or two whose eyes burned with hate flinched as though expecting him to rage at them.

                Morgana didn’t just miss breakfast, she had left the castle. Uther tried to put a good face on it, but Arthur could sense that his actions had someway driven the strong, proud, Morgana away. That thought in and of itself convinced Arthur on his strange quest.

                He needed information and there was only one person he trusted enough to be honest with him. Arthur hid in the corridors until Gaius left his quarters, and Arthur darted in.

                Arthur quickly walked through Gaius’s main room and threw open the door to Merlin’s room, a casual joke on his lips. What met his eyes made him feel faint.

                Merlin, or what was left of him, was laying on his stomach, blood stained cloths covered the deep bleeding scars that could have only come from lashing. Arthur numbly counted the 22 marks, and stumbled against the door. Arthur looked past the horrible marks and saw how pointed Merlin’s shoulders were, almost as though he had been starved. Arthur followed the bruised and broken skin of Merlin’s arm to his long fingers that were wrapped against sticks. _Broken_. Arthur couldn’t catch his breath.

                Arthur crawled to the bed and reached out to touch Merlin’s horribly bruised face. “Merlin,” he called, his heart breaking at Merlin’s flinch away from him. “Oh, god, Merlin, who did this to you?” he gasped.

                Merlin’s eyelids fluttered for a moment.

                “You did,” Gaius’s voice was flat and condemning.

                “No, no. I couldn’t have done this,” Arthur denied. Hand lightly touching Merlin’s dark locks.

                “You did, under the witch’s curse.” Gaius walked over and whispered something into Merlin’s ear. Merlin settled into a deeper sleep.

                “Magic?” Arthur choked.

                “You father spoke with you,” Gaius said checking Merlin’s bandage.

                “Can you heal him?” Arthur said urgently.

                Gaius looked at him. “Would you have me heal him with magic?”

                “To save him pain, yes!” Arthur snapped. He looked down at Merlin and touched his hair.

                Gaius watched Arthur for a moment then sighed. “I can not,” he admitted.

                “Then is there a quest I can go on? Some flower or something that will heal him?” Arthur asked.

                Gaius flashed a sad smile. “I’m afraid not. Merlin…”

                “I know of his magic,” Arthur said quietly.

                “I know you do,” Gaius said in an odd tone.

                Arthur looked up at Gaius and wanted to be sick. “What did I do?”

                “You made him fear you.”

                Arthur closed his eyes. “How?”

                “Based on Merlin’s nightmares you threatened to kill his mother should he not obey your every word. You used him as an outlet for your rage in the most under handed and vicious of ways.”

                “Does my father know of Merlin’s magic?” Arthur asked.

                “Yes, sire. All of Camelot knows of Merlin’s magic now.” Gaius said bitterly.

                Arthur looked at him sharply. “Tell me.”

                “You had him publically lashed for being a sorcerer. The druids attacked Camelot, fearing his death at your hands. Merlin defended you even after…” Gaius cleared his throat.

                “I will stay here and learn to care for him until he is well,” Arthur said decisively. “You will show me what I need to do,” Arthur said kneeling next to Merlin’s bed.

                “The damage done is substantial,” Gaius warned. “You twisted his spirit more…”

                “Then I will repair it,” Arthur said pulling the thin blanket over Merlin’s shoulder.

 

 

                Uther came to see Arthur in Merlin’s room later that afternoon. Arthur readied himself for a fight, but his father only put a hand on his shoulder and nodded quietly for a moment before going and speaking with Gaius. Arthur grimly returned to bathing Merlin’s many wounds.

                When the sun set, Arthur found himself talking to his friend. It just seemed so natural to make fun of Merlin’s hair. “Because it really does need help,” Arthur found himself saying aloud.

                Arthur sighed. “I miss your voice. This past week has been hell without you.” He took Merlin’s relatively undamaged hand into his own. “Based on how we both look at present, I think your magic obviously likes me much better than you.” A strange thought crossed his mind. “Actually. I think it does like me better.” He leaned down close to Merlin’s ear. “Heal yourself. Make yourself better and wake up. I’m waiting for you.”

                Arthur leaned down and kissed Merlin’s temple. His eyes glanced down at his lips and suddenly and totally unexpectedly, Arthur wondered what it would be like to kiss Merlin. Arthur sat back quickly as though burned.

                Merlin sighed in his sleep and suddenly his skin started glowing. Arthur watched for a second, then shouted for Gaius. The door flung open and Gaius stood in the door way. “What happened?” Gaius said touching Merlin’s glowing neck. The wounds on his back were quickly disappearing.

                “I told him to heal himself,” Arthur said blankly.

                Gaius frowned at Arthur, but Arthur looked down when Merlin squeezed his hand. “Merlin?” Arthur called.

                Merlin’s face scrunched up and he tugged his hand away from Arthur, but Arthur refused to let it go. “That’s it, heal yourself, Merlin. Come back to me. Come back to me.”

                “Arthur, stop,” Gaius ordered.

                “But it’s working,” Arthur objected.

                Gaius took Arthur by the shoulders. “There is nothing Merlin won’t do for you,” his hissed. “Even if it kills him. Don’t abuse his love.”

                Arthur looked down on Merlin and ran a hand through his hair. Merlin’s turned over on his healed back and his eyes blinked open. He caught sight of Arthur and hurled off the bed and cowered in a corner. Arthur was shocked.

                “Get out,” Gaius snapped. Gaius went to Merlin and wrapped his arms around him. “It’s okay. It’s okay,” He soothed.

                Arthur was tempted to go, but instead knelt in front of Merlin and touched Merlin’s leg. “Merlin. It’s me. Arthur. The real Arthur.” He held his hand out. “You know me better than anyone. You know when I am not me. You knew I wasn’t myself, didn’t you?”

                Merlin’s shaking calmed and he looked at Arthur. Arthur smiled encouragingly. “You would never hurt mum,” Merlin whispered, reaching out his hand. Arthur let Merlin’s fingers touch his and he very carefully intertwined them. He tugged on Merlin’s arm and Gaius let him go. Arthur scooped him into his arms and hugged him tightly.

                “You know me,” Arthur kept whispering to Merlin. “I would never hurt you.”

                Merlin hugged his back. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to do…” Merlin mumbled.

                Arthur pushed Merlin away just slightly. “I need you to tell me everything that happened.”

                Merlin looked away, and Arthur brought his hand up to Merlin’s shoulder. “Merlin.”

                Gaius stood up and went back to his room as Merlin started talking. Arthur had accepted that drink from Lady Caroline, and changed. So subtle at first. Unexplained anger. Fits of irrational rage. All directed toward Merlin. Merlin spoke of the first time Arthur hit him. It was that night in Arthur’s chambers. Arthur had back handed Merlin over something so trivial, so small. Merlin spoke of how later Arthur forced him to spar with him. Staffs. Told him of his broken wrist and his terrible bruises and how Leon had finally pulled Arthur off Merlin, fearful that Arthur was truly going to kill Merlin. Merlin’s voice grew thin and Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin’s thinner frame and held him.

                Merlin closed his eyes and buried his face in Arthur’s arm. He spoke of their terrible confrontation about Merlin’s magic and Arthur’s threat. Spoke of how Arthur wouldn’t let him speak to anyone else and made him stay by Arthur’s side. Merlin spoke of nights spent kneeling on the hearth of Arthur’s bedroom. The beatings. How Arthur wouldn’t let him eat.

                Others tried to temper Arthur’s anger. Leon was sent away to some distant outpost. Morgana, fearing for her and Gwen’s safety fled the castle. Even his father remarked about the change in Arthur, but even he didn’t know the extent that Arthur was brutalizing Merlin.

                Starved, beaten, and isolated, Merlin just accepted the punishments Arthur doled out for him. Soon, Arthur’s rage escalated until the wounds couldn’t be easily hidden. Still Arthur insisted Merlin remain at his side. Seldom was Arthur anywhere without his wreck of a shadow following after him.

                It was only when Lady Caroline, angry and confused that Arthur was spending so much time with his servant rather than courting her, stepped in that Uther started truly paying attention. With the evidence overwhelming even his blind acceptance of Arthur’s behavior, he turned to Gaius. Gaius had been preoccupied with a sickness in the lower city and didn’t fully understand the extent of Arthur’s depravity until Uther called him to witness the changes in his charge.

                Shocked and outraged, Gaius confronted Arthur and Arthur acted so unlike himself that there could have been no cause, save sorcerery. Lady Caroline and her father feared their discovery and tried to sneak out in the middle of the night, only to be stopped by Uther and Gaius. In their haste to leave, they dropped the doll of Arthur that contained the curse.

                Uther and Gaius then worked together as they hadn’t done since before Ygraine, yet they couldn’t find a way to break the curse. Uther then watched as his son acted out every bit of rage Uther had ever known existed on Merlin and was sickened. Uther separated Merlin from Arthur, but Arthur was drawn to Merlin and seemed to thrive on the other’s pain. Uther finally tried to have Merlin sent away to Ealdor, but Arthur went after him and accused Merlin of being a sorcerer in front of Uther. Uther, sickened at what his son had become tried to dissuade Arthur from extracting punishment under the law, but Arthur wouldn’t be denied. Then the druids came. Then Merlin stepped in, bloodied and crippled with pain, and saved Arthur. Saved Camelot. Arthur, covered in Merlin’s blood had screamed with inhuman rage when Merlin’s sacrifice broke the curse.

                When Merlin’s words ran out Arthur took a breath. “There is more, isn’t there?” Arthur asked quietly.

                “Please,” Merlin’s voice was soft and pleading. “Please don’t ask me anymore.”

                “I will never hurt you again,” Arthur whispered, his heart sick to its core.

                “It wasn’t you,” Merlin whispered, but his shaking told Arthur another story.

                Arthur closed his eyes and rested his head on Merlin’s shoulder. “How do I fix us?”

                “’us?’” Merlin echoed, tensing under Arthur.

                Arthur stilled, he hadn’t meant to say that out loud. “This situation.”

                Merlin relaxed just slightly. “I don’t know. There’s going to be fall out for my magic,” he predicted.

                “I doubt as much as you think,” Arthur said slightly. “You were a little obvious at times.”

                Merlin pulled away and turned to Arthur. “Are you… angry?” His voice slightly fearful.

                “At myself,” Arthur admitted looking away. “For not having your trust.”

                Merlin reached out and Arthur took hold of his hand. They sat, not looking at each other for a few minutes. “I worried that you would feel bound to tell your father.”

                Arthur took a hesitant breath. “For my father to be so shaken, it must have been worse than your words would imply,” Arthur looked up and Merlin. “I need to know that I have your...”

                Merlin stopped him. “I will be yours until the day I die,” he swore.

                Arthur clasped his hand over Merlin’s. His eyes drifted down to Merlin’s lips. For a moment Arthur felt light headed and could only think of leaning over just a little and kissing those tempting lips. Merlin sighed softly and his lips parted. He licked his lips. Arthur looked back up at Merlin’s eyes.

                Desire made Merlin’s eyes almost completely black. Arthur and Merlin drew back from each other quickly.

                “Come with me before my father. I would have your place in Camelot be secured,” Arthur said confidently. He stood up and gave Merlin his hand.

                Merlin took it and stood. “Are you sure that’s what you want?” he asked.

                “There is no one I would rather have at my side than you.” He looked at Merlin. “But you may want to put on some different clothes.”

                Merlin looked down at himself and frowned. “And maybe a bath,” Merlin frowned.

                “Can you do that with your...” Arthur gestured. “Magic?” he asked curiously.

                Merlin went over to the basin on his table. He held his hands over the water and whispered a word. The water started steaming. Merlin took the scrap of cloth hanging on the front of the dresser and dipped it in the water. “Of course. How else would your baths be so hot?”

                Arthur watched as Merlin used the tiny nub of soap on his chest. “One of the many perks of having a wizard as a servant,” he said easily. Merlin turned around and glanced at him. “You should move to the room next to mine. If you’re going to be my court sorcerer, I want you close.”

                “Really?” Merlin said turning back around and finishing his bathing. “And why would I want to live so close to a prat like you?” His voice seemed forced and Arthur understood that Merlin was terrified, but was striving to make things right.

                Arthur swallowed the lump in his throat. “It is my duty to Camelot to see that you aren’t causing trouble,” Arthur responded, hoping he was saying the right thing.

                Based on Merlin’s shy smile, it was.

 

                “I don’t see why you don’t make Leon your first knight and be done with it,” Merlin said pouring wine into Arthur’s goblet. Merlin took a sip before bringing it to Arthur who was soaking in a tub of steaming water.

                “He is young,” Arthur said accepting the goblet. “None for yourself?” he asked watching Merlin put away the flask. Merlin shook his head and pulled out Arthur’s sleep pants.

                “No, thank you,” Merlin said examining the pants. “Hmmm. These aren’t the one you like. I’ll be back..”

                “No!” Arthur said sitting up. He flushed when he caught himself. “I mean, it doesn’t…”

                “Are we going to talk about this?” Merlin asked quietly.

                Arthur flushed and looked away. “Please don’t go.”

                Merlin came over and pushed Arthur forward slightly so he could wet his hair. “We can’t keep each other in view at all times,” he murmured washing Arthur’s hair.

                It had been weeks since Arthur and Merlin had secured Merlin’s place at court. Court Sorcerer in training. Strangely both Uther and Gaius jumped at the idea of Merlin moving next door to Arthur. They were so enthusiastic that Arthur and Merlin were suspicious. What was more alarming was Arthur and Merlin’s inability to be out of sight for longer than a few minutes at a time. Merlin first noticed it when Arthur was called into his father’s counsel chamber without him.

                It took all of ten minutes of Merlin pacing outside the door for Arthur to throw the doors open and invite Merlin in. Since then they hadn’t been apart. They had both tried to stretch the limitations, but the feeling of being unsettled and the fear for the other made them not fight the bond too hard.

                “You are right, Gaius and my father know something,” Arthur said relaxing into Merlin’s touch. “What were you and Gaius whispering during the council meeting?”

                Merlin flushed and looked away. “Nothing.” He rinsed Arthur’s hair then took the soap and started washing his back. He wasn’t going to tell Arthur that Gaius had inexplicably given him a book on gay sex and a bottle of oil. It was bad enough that Merlin was feeling emotionally dependent on the clotpole, the hot sweats and sleepless nights that lead Merlin to Arthur’s bed was in itself a small hell for Merlin. Merlin knew Arthur felt the same pull, but neither of them would make the first step. Both refused to acknowledge the need to physically seek comfort in each other. How Gaius knew both baffled and humiliated Merlin.

                Arthur moaned then froze when he realized what he had done. “Thank you,” he said awkwardly. He stood up and stepped out of the tub. Merlin quickly wrapped a towel around him. “Here, why don’t you soak for a few minutes?”

                Merlin tore his eyes up from Arthur’s body. “Um. What?”

                “The bath,” Arthur said gesturing to the tub. “You need one.”

                “Are you suggesting that I smell?” Merlin asked frowning.

                “If the shoe fits, Merlin,” Arthur said going behind the screen.

                Merlin waved his hand over the waters and cleaned it. With half a though he reheated the water and started disrobing.

                Arthur stepped from behind the screen and stared at Merlin’s naked body. Merlin noticed Arthur’s frozen stare and found he couldn’t move. Well, parts of him couldn’t move. Arthur’s eye drifted from Merlin’s hardening cock to his eyes. Merlin’s eyes were terrible in their need. Arthur felt himself harden in his sleep pants. For a long moment their stare stretched out, but then Arthur looked away. “Your water’s getting cold,” he said lightly.

                His words seemed to free Merlin from him paralysis. Merlin carefully stepped into the bath and quickly started soaping himself up. Arthur turned to his desk and had to squeeze his cock. The sound of Merlin moving in the water made him moan softly. Arthur couldn’t move, stuck on the hellish precipice of want and need. He knew Merlin wanted him just as much. The sleepless nights with only a small slice of bed between them taking their toll of them. Arthur didn’t think he ever wanted something this bad, but he couldn’t give voice to his need, afraid that this was just a continuation of something he had done to Merlin… before. Merlin wasn’t saying. No one was saying.

                Arthur was pretty sure this was hell.

 

                Arthur listened attentively as Merlin finished splashing in the water. Arthur head the whispered word and felt the change in the room when Merlin made the tub disappear. Arthur counted to ten very slowly then turned back around with a bright fake smile on his lips. “So, Leon as first knight.”

                Merlin was drying his hair with a towel. It was getting long, Arthur thought absently. He rather liked it long. Merlin was wearing a ridiculous sleep shirt that reach past his knobbily knees. It was the most unattractive article of clothing ever conceived of, but even it made Arthur hot. “You said he was your most talented knight and strategist.” Merlin said, forcing his voice to be light.

                “And he’s been very adaptable in using your magic on the practice grounds,” Arthur said glanced at the bed nervously. He couldn’t possible go to sleep yet. He needed…

                “… I have something in my room that I need to do,” Merlin said glancing at Arthur.

                “Please leave the door open,” Arthur requested.

                Merlin nodded then walked quickly to his room. Before he stepped out of the room Arthur’s hands were unlacing his sleep pants and taking hold of his cock. The knowledge that Merlin was in the other room touching himself made his mind spin. He could just hear the tiny gasps that Merlin tried to silence and it made him ache. Within seconds, Arthur was spilling into his own hand. He quickly wiped his seed off on his towel and hopped in bed, willing himself not to hear Merlin’s little frustrated whine.

                Arthur knew that as hard as Merlin got, there was something that prevented him from reaching his climax. Arthur suspected that he had something to do with that, but he was afraid that asking about it would be pushing the fragile boundaries that they had created since breaking the curse.

                Finally when the unease pulled a little too tightly, Merlin walked back into Arthur’s room, his eyes still wrecked. From his walk, Arthur knew he must be in pain, but still he said nothing. He curled on his side and shut his eyes until Merlin doused the candles and climbed into bed.

                No sleep came to them.

 

 

                Arthur had to bite down the flash of jealousy that shot up his body as he watched Leon clap Merlin on the back. Leon’s red curls were slightly singed, but he and Merlin were smiling. Leon was experimenting on different ways to deflect fireballs.

                “Arthur.”

                Arthur turned around and saw his father walking toward him. Arthur smiled slightly. The changes in his father were incredible, more so for seeming to have happened over night. Uther distrusted magic still, but he trusted Gaius and Merlin. “Father!”

                “You want to name Sir Leon as your first knight?” Uther asked coming along side Arthur.

                “Yes,” Arthur spared another glance at Leon and Merlin.

                “Then do so. Leon is most loyal to you,” Uther nodded, leading Arthur a little away from the other knights. When they were out of ear shot he assessed his son. “Arthur, I know you are old enough to handle your own affairs,” he started quickly.

                Arthur glanced at him curiously. This was definitely not how Uther typically started any conversation.

                “But, I’ve reviewed the requirements for Royal Consorts with Geoffrey, and there’s no…”

                “You’ve what?” Arthur exclaimed dumbfounded.

                Uther glanced over to where Merlin and the rest of the knights were getting ready to spar again. “Surely you didn’t expect your relationship to be unformalized,” Uther demanded. “Gaius assures me that in time Merlin’s magic will allow him to carry your children to term. If he can’t then you can name an heir. That’s what Barak the VI did, I’m sure it would be fine. However, I think it would be best if our bloodlines were intermingled. If even one of your children have magic…”

                “Father, what are you talking about?” Arthur demanded.

                Uther stopped talking and looked at Arthur. “You can’t possibly think of putting Merlin aside after everything that’s happened.”

                Something clicked in Arthur’s head, and he suddenly realized that he was about to find out what everyone was avoiding telling him. He should have started with his father first, he thought wirily. “I didn’t know Merlin and my relationship concerned you father,” he said carefully.

                Uther frowned. “That spell.” Uther looked in the distance at where Merlin was shooting fire balls at the knights. “Gaius tells me that it was only supposed to turn your indifference for Lady Caroline into interest. Doesn’t the fact that your feelings for that boy dwarfed your feelings for everything else, including Camelot, tell you something?”

                “I hardly see…”

                Uther put his hands of Arthur’s shoulders and looking into his eyes. “Arthur you were… monstrous to him. If that spell made you act in opposite of how you felt, then you must feel… much for him.”

                Arthur glanced at Merlin. “Things are difficult right now,” he admitted.

                “They need not be,” Uther said letting Arthur go and looking around. “I’m sure your generous nature is soothing over any unpleasant memories.”

                Arthur flushed. He wasn’t sure, but he thought his father was talking about him having sex. With Merlin.

                “It’s been several weeks now, Arthur. Surely you don’t think that anyone will balk at your claiming Merlin as your consort. Let us have the official ceremony and then you can move on to concentrate on children.”

                “Merlin and I are not intimate,” Arthur found himself saying.

                Uther turned to him in surprise. “But…” he closed his mouth and frowned. He glanced at Merlin then at Arthur and nodded after a minute. “Then that is where the lingering awkwardness stems.” He glanced into the distance again. “Arthur, sometimes, in the bedroom a partner may display a preference for a certain… role. It doesn’t make them any less or more outside of the bedroom.”

                Arthur was thinking that this could be the most uncomfortable conversation with Uther he had ever had in his life and he still had only the most basic understanding of what Uther was talking about.

                At Arthur’s blank look Uther blushed slightly. “Merlin’s pleasure is yours. He can not reach satisfaction until you will it. By forcing him to bond with you, you have ruined him for anyone else,” Uther said bluntly.

                Arthur’s eyebrows shot up and he glanced over at Merlin suddenly understanding a lot of what was going on between them.

                “But…” Uther’s voice faltered just slightly. Arthur turned back to him. “Be kind to him. There is no need to break one whose love for you is so… implacable.”

                Arthur swallowed, a little heartsick at the implications of his father’s words. “I will.”

                “I know you will,” Uther said quietly. He watched as Merlin laughed with Leon. “He is good for Camelot. And good for you.”

                “And I will be good to him,” Arthur promised. Uther looked at him for a moment then nodded.

 

 

                “You need to write something here, or else she’ll think that I’m making all of this up,” Arthur complained as he finished up yet another letter to Morgana. He had written her several letters, but she had yet to respond.

                Merlin was carefully sharpening Arthur’s practice sword. “That didn’t work last time,” he observed.

                “Call me a clotpole or something,” Arthur shrugged. “That would get her attention. Have you written Gwen?”

                “I’m with you all the time, have you seen me write Gwen?” Merlin asked absently.

                Arthur looked up and thought back to what his father had said that afternoon. “Does it bother you? Being around me?”

                Merlin chewed on his bottom lip and smoothed a nick on the blade. “I don’t really see that we have a choice in the matter. Besides, it’s not really all that different then from before.” He flashed a distracted smile at Arthur.

                “Except now you don’t have to hide your magic,” Arthur said, testing the waters.

                “Hmmmm,” Merlin held out the sword in front of him. “And I don’t see Gaius as much.”

                “With the amount of time Gaius spends with my father, we could probably start taking lunch with them.”

                “If that’s what you’d like,” Merlin said amicably.

                “What would you like?” Arthur asked.

                “Some time to myself,” Merlin quipped without thinking.

                Arthur and Merlin both froze at the same time. “Merlin…”

                Merlin gave a bright fake laugh. “I’m kidding. It’s fine,” he said quickly sheathing the sword. He stood up and put the sword away, carefully not looking at Arthur. Merlin fussed with Arthur’s armor for a few minutes more.

                “We have audiences in the morning tomorrow, but nothing in the afternoon,” Arthur shrugged, looking for some way to keep the conversation going. “Maybe we can get out of Camelot, just for a little.”

                “You want to go hunting?” Merlin asked going to Arthur’s closet.

                “No, I was thinking of going to the river and swimming. It’s been warm as of late.”

                Merlin glanced at Arthur, then turned back to the closet and started pulling out clothes. “If you like.”

                Arthur’s nails cut into his palm as his fisted his hands in his lap. _What I would like_ , Arthur thundered in his own head. _Is for things to go back the way they were. For you to stop being so damn frightened of me!_ But Arthur said none of these things. “We’ll bring lunch. You can show me your magic.”

                Merlin glanced at Arthur then looked back at the pile of clothes has had pulled out. “Sure,” Merlin mumbled.

                Arthur fisted his hands tighter. _Look at me!_ “Come over here and write something!” Arthur forced himself to grumble. Merlin wandered over and read the letter over Arthur’s shoulder.

                “You write like a pompous prat,” Merlin commented. He grabbed the pen and quickly wrote a postscript to Morgana and Gwen. He rested his hand on the paper and noticed how still Arthur had become. “What?” he asked stepping back.

                Arthur reached out to him. Merlin stepped back and Arthur quickly turned up his hands to show he meant no hard. Merlin frowned and grabbed Arthur’s hands. Arthur’s nails had cut through the skin, his palms were bleeding.

                “Oh, Arthur,” Merlin sighed, going to kneel besides Arthur and holding his sword calloused hands in front of him. Merlin place his hands on top of Arthurs and whispered a quick word. In seconds, Arthur’s hands were healed. Merlin went to stand, but Arthur grabbed his hands and held him, turning his body to Merlin.

                For a brief uncomfortable moment, Arthur realized their positions. Merlin’s head was only a short distance away from Arthur’s lap, his body between his knees and his arms resting on Arthur’s legs. Arthur’s pants were tented. Merlin’s eyes grew glassy and his breathing came in pants through his mouth. Arthur imagined that he could feel Merlin’s breaths on his cock and felt it throb.   He saw Merlin’s eyes dilate and felt his palms get sweaty. “What do you want?” he whispered.

                Merlin’s face flushed and his eyes darted down to Arthur’s cock as he licked his lips.

                There was a sudden knock at the door and Merlin threw himself backward. Arthur cursed. When Merlin was back on his feet Arthur turned to the door. “Enter,” he said loudly.

                “Sire,” Leon said walking into Arthur’s chamber. “You called for me?”

                “You have the worst timing in the entire kingdom,” Arthur said flatly. He flushed slightly when he realized he had said that aloud. He quickly glanced at Merlin. Merlin was looking at him with an unreadable expression.

                Leon looked from Merlin to Arthur. “I can come back later,” he said hesitantly.

                “No,” Arthur checked that Merlin’s postscript was dry and then folded up the letter. He quickly sealed it with his signet and handed it to Leon. “Can you please deliver this to Morgana? Tell her that things are getting…” he glanced at Merlin. “Better.”

                “Of course, Sire,” Leon said accepting the letter. “It is not my place,” Leon said nervously. “I mean, forgive my impertinence…”

                “Just say what’s on your mind, Leon,” Arthur said finally.

                Leon glanced at Merlin for a minute before looking very carefully at an invisible spot on the wall. “Your father, the king, is planning an announcement tomorrow. I overheard him plotting with Gaius after dinner.”

                Arthur groaned. “Did the word consort come up?”

                Leon’s cheek grew pink. “Yes, I believe it did.”

                Merlin looked at Arthur, his face pale. Arthur frowned and turned to Leon. “Leon, please go have mine and Merlin’s horse readied.”

                Leon nodded and turned to go. “And try to leave tomorrow before mentioning to anyone that Merlin and I have decided to go hunting.”

                Leon nodded again, but turned back around before he left. “Just… congratulations. Both of you,” he quickly turned and left.

                When he left Arthur quickly stood up and went to pile of clothes that Merlin had taken out. “Get out our bags,” Arthur said going into his closet and pulling out his nice white shirt. He tossed it on the bed and pulled out his nice feast day trousers. He added that to the pile then went to his treasure chest.

                “Are we going somewhere?” Merlin asked finally.

                “Yes, we are going to Ealdor,” Arthur informed him. “We are going to see your mother.”

                “Why?” Merlin asked, his voice only wavering slightly.

                Arthur cursed his own stupidity and turned to look at Merlin. Merlin was so still he looked like he would shatter at the softest word. Arthur crossed the room and stood in front of Merlin. He reached out his hand and lifted Merlin’s chin until Merlin made eye contact with him. “Your mother is safe. I only wish to speak with her.”

                “About what?” Merlin asked.

                Arthur sunk to his knees in front of Merlin still holding his hands. “I wish to ask you to be my consort,” Arthur said slowly. “To rule at my side forever.”

                Merlin started tugging his hands away. “No.” he whispered shaking his head.

                Arthur let him go and stood up. “No.”

                Merlin looked at him, tears making his eyes unnaturally bright. “You can’t want…”

                “Merlin, I love you. I love you so much I did things much worse that killing you while I was under that spell.” Arthur had to take a breath, his emotions choking him. “I only want to spend the rest of my life making amends for any hurt I caused.”

                Merlin looked away and crossed his arms in front of himself. “This is ridiculous. It’s not like it can ever happen. Your father would have me on a stake faster…”

                “I am apparently not moving fast enough for him,” Arthur said dryly. “He intends to announce our betrothal before I’ve even asked you.”

                “You need heirs…”

                “Apparently he and Gaius have already made plans,” Arthur shrugged. “I think I’m stuck with you.”

                “No, I’m definitely stuck with you,” Merlin said automatically. “I mean who would want a clotpole like you as a husband.”

                “Well, apparently lots of silly uninformed women, if Lady Caroline if indication,” Arthur gave a crooked smile.

                “Hmmmm,” Merlin turned and got out their saddle bags. “Well, maybe I should marry you. I would probably save everyone a lot of trouble.” He quickly packed Arthur’s clothes before going into his bedroom. Arthur looked up from the large chest. He picked up a smaller box and walked to the doorway between his and Merlin’s room. Merlin quickly packed a few belongings. “Riding off to Ealdor in the middle of the night is rather silly.”

                “Camelot’s foremost knight and it’s court sorcerer will have no worries of being waylaid, I trust,” he said, suddenly understanding just how brilliant they were going to be together. “Although, wouldn’t that be embarrassing? Being captured by bandits while escaping my father’s plot to marry us off to each other?”

                Merlin glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. “I think we can avoid that.” He walked over to Arthur. “What are you looking for?”

                “Something that your mother would like,” Arthur said showing Merlin the box.

                “What? Like I’m some _thing_ you can just buy off her?!” Merlin said with fake shock.

                Arthur grinned. “Well, then woman deserves some sort of compensation for putting up with you all these years. Maybe I can start a war with Cendred, defeat him and give her his kingdom as in payment.”

                “You’re just greedy,” Merlin said rolling his eyes.

                “For wanting to give your mother the country of your birth?” Arthur laughed, enjoying the heat pouring off Merlin. “Shamelessly.”

                Merlin suddenly reached up and place his hand on the back of Arthur’s neck and shot up and kissed him. Arthur dropped the box and wrapped his arms around Merlin’s waist.

                Merlin suddenly backed off, “Sorry, sorry. So sorry!” he said visibly shaking.

                Arthur frowned and put his hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “There is nothing to be sorry of,” he whispered. He tilted Merlin’s chin up with his other hand and slowly brought their lips together. He kissed him slowly. Merlin was slow to respond, but did so shyly. “I will not hurt you,” Arthur whispered when Merlin broke the kiss. Merlin held out his hand and Arthur gently took it. “Come on, If we hurry we’ll be there by nightfall tomorrow.”


End file.
